Fall 1999. Senior in high school. My only solace was to fall asleep to music every night.
I’d climb in bed with my discman, and jam those earbuds as far in they could go. Sometimes I’d fall asleep with a finger in my ear, holding the earbud juuuust the right way for maximum sound, and using the pillow to hold the other one in place. The music would be turned up as high as it would go, the volume-limiter disabled.
My mom would cringe, afraid that I’d be damaging what residual hearing I had left even more, as she could hear the music emitting from the headphones when she entered my bedroom to tell me goodnight. But me, being the stubborn teenager I was, went on my merry way.
In those days, the music of my choice was Christina Aguilera’s self-titled CD. That was the CD that could get me bouncy in the morning, and soothe me to sleep at night. I would start with “Genie In A Bottle” and often fall asleep by the time “Love For All Seasons” came on. I expanded to other CDs, most notably bt’s “Ima”.
Here I am again tonight, 9 years later, laying in bed. The state is New York, and instead of a discman, the technology is an iPOD. Tonight’s song of choice is blink-182’s “Give Me One Good Reason” (mostly because of the words/instruments (help?) at 0:24-0:30, 0:43-0:50, 1:36-1:49, which have been rattling around inside my head for the last three days)
My left ear is the only one that’s functional, as the cochlear implant has destroyed all my residual hearing. I feel saddened by this, almost two years after my surgery, that I can’t partake in a former guilty pleasure of mine (and that the sound of my CI hasn’t been great of late, and needs some more tweaking, plus I’ve been having other issues.).
I miss hearing sound in its natural state, yet am relieved to still be able to hear it naturally with my left ear and know that it sounds the same when I put my hearing aid on. It’s very odd to lay here hearing sound in one ear, and the other waiting for the sound that will never be. And I miss it.