The Bionic Sound Project

this girl’s journey to sound

It Doesn’t Change How I Like It…LOUD Thursday, February 1, 2007

After a few months of avoiding music because my brain was tired, graduating to playing at low volume, then listening to it through headphones, I finally realized something tonight.

No matter how deaf I am, if I have a cochlear implant or not, I’m always going to like my music loud.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t bode well for the poor souls that are within a five-mile radius of me, whether on the road or at home.

There is nothing like the feel of the bass pulsing through your body. The vibrations cascading down your back. The ripples of the sound as it skips around your ears, giving you a pleasant rush, leading you to the crescending high. Music is my drug. It’s an addiction that I can shake, but only for so long.

I just have to blast it, drench myself in sound. I have to feel it through every inch of my body. And tonight, I had the feeling of being reborn through the songs.

“4 My People (Basement Jaxx Remix Radio Edit)” – Missy Elliott
“Lazy (Original Mix) [feat. David Byrne]” – X-Press 2
“Young, Fresh N’ New (Timo Maas Remix)” – Kelis
“It’s Gonna Be…(A Lovely Day) [Bini&Martini Club Remix]” – Brancaccio&Aisher
“Shifter (Full Vocal Mix) [feat. MC Chickaboo]” – Timo Maas
“Salsoul Nugget (If You Wanna) [Extended Vocal Mix]” – Girl Next Door
“Groovejet (If This Ain’t Love, Then Why Does It Feel So Good) [Extended Vocal Mix]” – Spiller
“What A Girl Wants (Thunderpuss Dirty Club Mix)” – Christina Aguilera
“Freakin’ You” – Jungle Brothers
“Rendez-Vu” – Basement Jaxx
“Blue Skies (Deep Dish Blue Phunk Mix) [feat. Tori Amos]” – bt
“Lapdance (Paul Oakenfold Swordfish Mix)” – N.E.R.D.

The cochlear implant won’t change how I like my music. It does give me the ability to hear it when it’s faint, but it doesn’t have the same energy and intensity for me. I cannot deny who I am.

So! In the words of Nintendo’s Game Boy Campaign from the 1990s…“Play It Loud”. Rock on! \m/

And for the eardrums everywhere who hoped that the CI would make things quieter…I’m so very sorry.

p.s. If you’re familiar with any of those songs, and can think of more that I might enjoy, please share!

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My Favorite Martian, and the MAUDE database Sunday, November 5, 2006

Last night, I had my first true case of vertigo since surgery #2. The dizziness last night was similar to the dizziness that occured in the 9 days between surgeries #1 and #2.

I was sitting in the chair next to my computer, listening to music and flipping through CDs, when I felt the implant “seize up”. It was odd, as I hadn’t worn the CI all day, so I don’t know why it felt like there was stimulation. Then I felt something that I can only describe as a spark of pain that shot through my head. I looked up, but the room was spinning to the left, and I nearly fell out of the chair, but grabbed onto the desk just in time. Immediately after that, I felt like I was going to throw up, so I just laid down for an hour, to settle my stomach and nerves, and to try to get the implant to stop “twitching”. I felt pressure on the the right side of my head, specifically the sides of my forehead and lower jaw, as if somebody was pressing very hard with their finger into the bone, giving me a headache. It was scary to experience something I haven’t experienced in 3.5 months. I had hoped and thought that I would never have to experience that again with the CI, as that problem had been resolved with the 2nd surgery.

I called my mom to tell her what happened, and the first thing she does is to start laughing. Apparently, the whole incident reminded her of the 1960s TV show “My Favorite Martian”. She said that maybe my favorite martian was talking to me, and delivering electrical impulses. She thinks I probably got zapped by something, and to not worry about it. She apologized for laughing, but the way I was telling her about it, sure reminded her of an episode, and I was laughing at her, because it was so random. She told me to look up other shows from the 60s of that same nature such as My Favorite Martian, My Mother The Car, Mr. Ed, Car 54, Where Are You?, etc.. We are goofy like that.

Anyway, I was searching to see if similar events had happened to other CI users before, when I was reminded of the MAUDE database while searching.

The FDA has a database called the Manufacturer And User Facility Device Experience (MAUDE), in which they keep track of things that have gone wrong with medical devices. I stumbled upon this database back in July, when I was searching to find out more about what happened with my cochlear implant surgery. The database is only updated quarterly, and it was just updated so my case is now in there.

Adverse Event Report

ADVANCED BIONICS CORPORATION HIRES 90K COCHLEAR IMPLANT

Model Number CI-1400-01
Event Date 07/19/2006
Event Type Injury
Patient Outcome Required Intervention;
Event Description

A ct scan revealed that the electrode array was in the semicircular canals. On july 19, 2006, the patient had revision surgery to reposition the array. The device remains implanted.

Brand Name HIRES 90K
Type of Device COCHLEAR IMPLANT
Manufacturer (Section F)
ADVANCED BIONICS CORPORATION
12740 san fernando rd
sylmar CA 91342
Manufacturer (Section D)
ADVANCED BIONICS CORPORATION
12740 san fernando rd
sylmar CA 91342
Manufacturer Contact
joann rizzi, specialist
12740 san fernando road
sylmar , CA 91342
(661) 362 -4652
Device Event Key 735215
MDR Report Key 747434
Event Key 712299
Report Number 2029203-2006-00527
Device Sequence Number 1
Product Code MCM
Report Source Manufacturer
Source Type Health Professional
Reporter Occupation Audiologist
Type of Report Initial
Report Date 08/14/2006
1 Device Was Involved in the Event
1 Patient Was Involved in the Event
Date FDA Received 08/14/2006
Is This An Adverse Event Report? Yes
Is This A Product Problem Report? No
Device Operator Lay User/Patient
Device EXPIRATION Date 06/30/2006
Device MODEL Number CI-1400-01
Was Device Available For Evaluation? No
Is The Reporter A Health Professional? Yes
Was the Report Sent to FDA? No
Date Manufacturer Received 07/19/2006
Was Device Evaluated By Manufacturer? Device Not Returned To Manufacturer
Date Device Manufactured 06/01/2006
Is The Device Single Use? Yes
Is this a Reprocessed and Reused Single-Use Device? No
Is the Device an Implant? Yes
Is this an Explanted Device? Yes
Type of Device Usage Initial

Database last updated on September 29, 2006

And I couldn’t find an answer to my question, plus my friend Matt had come over to check on me to make sure I was okay because I was talking to him and Krista when it happened. I will have to wait till Monday when I see Mandy.

But I’ve got a new headache and some dizziness (not like last night’s) again tonight. I haven’t worn the CI since I took it off at 2 am Saturday morning. This is not fun.

 

Mango…The Word That Just Won’t Die Monday, August 28, 2006

The word that just won’t die…MANGO.

Megan said she was going to send me a care package of mangoes to me at school. When I come back in a few months, I’m bringing her a kumquat just because. Maybe an onion. But it better not be a combo of mango and fennel. It’s a good thing we don’t have our own cooking show on the Food Network.

Had #7 today…spent close to 4 hours in there. First I had to see Dr. M. for my checkup. The blood is gone from my middle ear and my eardrum is not purple anymore, but it’s still swollen. He had Megan do a test to see if I have any residual hearing, and I don’t, but it’s probably still too soon to tell.

After that, instead of being in the auditory room, Megan set up in the same exam room that I was in the day I got activated. She had both computers, the programming one, and the Sound and Beyond one. She would tinker with my CI while I was playing with the program and listening to words, telling her what sounded funny as I was going through the exercises, but the picture of the rabbit in the food category is a terrible picture! I was doing pretty well, scoring between 85 to 96 percent with the CI alone. However, I started having trouble with some familiar words, such as cat. And while comparing programs, she would say “how does this sound? what time is it? mango.” just to rub it in because I hate that word!

At one point today, Megan was on a mission to find out just how much I am hearing with my CI, and help me see that the CI is working better than the HA and I’m hearing way more than I think I am.

88% with CI alone.
96% with CI and HA.
80 or 84% with HA alone.

Course, I was cheating because I could not hear the laptop very well with the HA, and had my head right next to the keyboard at intervals so I could hear it, until Megan made me sit up and stay put. :-p

The other thing that has been an issue with the CI is that it sounds good at first, and after a little while, it starts to sound bad (even while I’m still hooked up to the computer). Over a few days, I go from being able to hear voices within a room, to only being able to hear within one to two feet around me. I always thought it was because it was because my neuro-adaptation was fast, but that might not be the case due to what AB said. Kim said they had a patient like that, but that was a long time ago. We also experimented with the pulse width, and at times it would sound awesome, almost like the hearing aid, but there would be a bit of an echo. It’s very frustrating tinkering with the CI, because when one thing sounds good, another thing sounds bad. And there are times I don’t know how to explain it. Sometimes I feel like I’m hearing in my left ear as well, because the sound from the CI seems to “translate” to my left ear.

Megan got on the phone with AB and figured out a plan of troubleshooting. She also taught me how to put the magnet on correctly, in a way that doesn’t twist the wire. We ended up having to go into the bathroom to do that so I could see how she was doing it, and walked past a family that was there for a candidate consultation so it was a little funny. I could also hear people speaking, but couldn’t understand them, and Megan said it was because they were speaking Italian.

The Problem Of Missing/Changing Sound – Solution
1. Make sure wire for magnet is secure, and placed on head properly.
2. Change out T-Mic (possible moisture?)
3. Change Battery (possible low power?)
4. Dehumidify it (and I need to stay on top of making sure the crystals are yellow, cuz the moisture from the environment affects it too.)

I am still not used to the concept of older people getting CIs. My experience has been that younger people and children have CIs, but never people who are in their 40s or older. I’ve always seen them with little ITE hearing aids, or just deaf, while us kids have had the BTEs or the CIs. I’m going to have to get used to it.

Kim had to remind me today that I’m doing extremely well with my CI, and that I need to be patient. She reminds me of and sounds so much like mom, with the “no nonsense from you” talk, and knows just exactly how to get me to shush and stop to think, just like mom does. “How long has it been?” “And you’re getting a score of what?”…”3 weeks…and 96%.” “That’s pretty good.” So here it goes…..I’ve got three programs to experiment with for a week and a half to two weeks. It’s going to be a challenge to leave my CI alone and learn to appreciate it without any adjustments in that time period. Patience is NOT one of my virtues as Dad has reminded me.

Kim also told me that her patients seem to prefer Verizon for their cell phones, so that’s something to keep in mind. I’m hoping that my phone can make it until the full-QWERTY version of the Blackberry Pearl comes out in Q1 2007.

In NY news, I talked to Karen, and she’s going to talk to Mandy about how they can best work with me when I return. I’m going to miss seeing Megan, Kim, and Dr. M, but I will see them in a few months. I really don’t like saying goodbye, especially to people that I like working with. Sometimes it’s nice to finish what you started, with the people you began it with. And this is why being bi-coastal stinks…I can’t have the best of both worlds in one place. I always have to say goodbye to a group of people in each place and adapt to a new environment and time zone two times a year, and I hate it (especially when I have to leave my family).

Today’s Sounds List
– Recognizing clapping at a restaurant
– Mom coming up behind me at noisy restaurant and saying “Sweetie”, and me not paying attention

That was my first recognized word on its own, where I’m not paying attention, and able to understand it without having to think about it.

 

Listening Ability? How Does One Learn To Listen? Friday, August 25, 2006

It’s only been almost 3 weeks, and I’m already worried about the CI and my listening ability.

I wonder if I’m doing the right things to maximize my potential. Am I listening to the right stuff? Am I doing the right kinds of things to try and maximize my speech perception? All these types of questions and thoughts have been swirling around in my head.

I’ve been so used to doing therapy, therapy, therapy, and getting feedback from what I’m doing, that right now I feel like that what I do, on my own, isn’t helping. Everything I do has a visual component to it. It’s difficult to watch TV or read along with books, because I fall back on my “hearing aid” training, and use my vision more than using my brain to listen and understand what is being said. At the same time, I’m not getting the reinforcement of “yes, what I heard or thought I heard is indeed correct.”

On Monday, Susan said that I need to write for myself and not for others (where have I heard that before?). She wants me to write a daily log of my adventures in sound, and what I’m hearing, so that I can look back in 6 months and go “wow, that was a really rough time, but look where I am now and at what I’m hearing! YAY ME!”

I do well with the words in a list format, but have trouble with sentences. Mom did word lists with me, after I saw Megan earlier this week, and she started a new category of vegetables with me. However, I got it the hard way, instead of “mushroom”, “lettuce”, “tomato”, I was getting “portabella mushroom”, “bibb lettuce”, and “roma tomato”. That’s pretty much standard for our house, as we get different kinds of specific veggies for my guinea pig. However, I did get “jalapeno” right on the first try! She’s also been reading my favorite childhood book, “Cars, Trucks, And Things That Go” to me for listening practice. I love that book so much.

Today, I saw Megan for #6 and we tinkered around with the speech program some more. I have trouble with “C” and “M”, and hearing the first part of a word. I also told her about my concerns with listening. I know I don’t have patience (especially for somebody my age, as I was reminded by my dad on activation day!) and want more! She brought out the other computer that had the Sound and Beyond program that was made by Cochlear Americas. I got to play with it for awhile, and it was fantastic. I loved how if you get a word wrong, it repeats the correct word and the wrong word, so you can compare it.

This kind of program is right up my alley because it has a similar concept as the Touch&Tell that I had as a kid. What can I say, I love hands-on learning! It is awfully expensive, 290 dollars, but it might be an investment well worth making if it will help me, and I did enjoy using it…I could have played with it all day if I was allowed to.

I got 76% on the words when we played with the computer, she said I was doing pretty well for just under 3 weeks. The other cool thing this program does is that it plays music and then lets you pick which instrument produced that melody. I was able to get the piano and the xylophone right. But when it came to the violin, ughhhhhhhhh it sounded horrible! And I used to play the violin! But the piano sounded much better (after 10+ years of playing, I should have an ear for it).

Electrode #13 doesn’t have that special sound for me anymore. It’s so weird, because it sounded nothing like it did the last time. Megan did the beep test again today, and Electrode #6 sounded exactly like my mom’s old car alarm (park avenue) when it goes off. Now I have a way to describe what it sounds like to those who can’t hear what’s in my head!

T-Mic Hook: P1+2 – speech, P3 – 70/30 mix for DC.
DC Hook: P1+2 – iPOD only, P3 – 70 iPOD/30 environment.

I also have a battery log that Megan created so I can find out if I have a bad battery, a bad “charging slot” or if it’s just the program that is draining my battery fast on the CI. I do have powerful programs on my CI which draws a lot of power off the battery. My 18 hour battery is only lasting 12 hours, and I was totally unprepared for that the other day when the CI battery died on me.

 

Mapping Session #3 – What’s the difference between rat and dog? Friday, August 11, 2006

Today I had mapping session #3 (and it’s only day 4 of activation!)

I showed Megan yesterday’s entry and she was laughing at the different sounds that I was hearing. We started off with the beep test again, and I was able to better differentiate the frequencies between the beeps. My threshold has also gone up. I heard the most beautiful beep, that I absolutely loved out of all 16 beeps. Turns out it was electrode #13! My lucky number!

It was tricky today because I would reach the threshold where I thought it was loud enough, and then I would think we had moved to the next electrode, and I would tell Megan that it sounded soft. Turned out we were still on the same electrode, and my tolerance for that sound had changed during the testing, so we came back to it later. It was interesting cycling through/jumping from different frequencies. The most difficult part was determining if the volume across all the electrodes were the same, because loudness versus frequency seems exactly the same to me.

After that was done, we did the animal words instead of the months. I can’t tell the difference between dog/rat and horse/sheet (yes, I said sheeT, not sheeP). I got fish and cat right away. We tweaked with the program some more, and then I couldn’t understand cat, but could understand elephant. It’s frustrating when you can understand something with one setting, and then no longer can understand it. The other problem is that with one program, I can hear Megan but I can’t hear myself/sounds close to me very well, and then vice-versa with the other program.

I’m still having some crackling sounds, but not like before. It’s possible that it’s environmental sounds that I haven’t identified yet, but it is annoying to me because it overshadows everything else. Electrode #16 is the only one turned off now, because it seems to help reduce the crackling. After we were all done, and I was ready to go, I started to have trouble with hearing, so we had to hook me up again and do some more tweaking. I can’t wait till speech starts to sound so much better and not so distorted.

Megan is tricking me because I know that program 2 is the new one, but program 1 she will not tell me how it is different. I have a feeling that it is the one that I came in with, just louder. My homework is to experiment with both programs until I see her on Tuesday, and tell her the differences between the two of them.

The other part of my homework is to be listening to speech instead of music. It’s hard for me because I am more familiar with music than speech, so I would rather be listening to the music. I need to find some simpler audio books like “Cat In The Hat” and read along with it. The Harry Potter I checked out from the library the other day is not a good idea because it is read with a British accent. No wonder why I was having a difficult time following along with the words in the book. That and I didn’t have the DirectConnect 70/30 mixing program in my processor yet, which didn’t help with understanding sound.

I found a fellow CI user’s website in which he posted sound files on the differences in sound between normal hearing, hearing aids, on activation day, 2-3 days later, and 2 weeks later for him (doesn’t mean it applies to me). I know my hearing friends would appreciate this.

I went to drop something off at my mom’s work today, and her coworker Doug wanted to try placing magnetic objects on my head. Oy vey. That makes two.

I wish I could find my Touch&Tell from when I was a little kid. I kept some of those toys that I used for listening therapy, and donated the others for other deaf kids. This calls for an attic-raiding this weekend, I’m positive it’s up there. If not, I’m going to buy it off of eBay because I loved that thing.

Some resources that I found online
Auditory Training Resources and Guides (gonna get started tomorrow)
Mapping Sound Descriptors

 

Activation Day and Pictures! Tuesday, August 8, 2006

Activation Day (Aug 7) was interesting. Dad met us at the doctor’s office, and the waiting room was the busiest I had ever seen it. My appointment was at 11:30 but we didn’t get called back until about 11:45. I noticed two people in the waiting room with ankle casts on (and I was reminded that I broke my ankle not more than a year and a half ago) so I felt their pain!

Bounced into the examining room and onto the chair, waiting for the doc to come in. Was chatting with Kim for a bit while Megan finished her lunch and the doctor was seeing another patient. Finally it was MY turn! Checked out the incision which is healing well, and looked in my ear, and I still have blood in my ear, which is normal. And then I got the magical words…“Are you ready?”

I just remember everybody (mom, dad, Dr. M, Megan, and Kim) looking at me to see what my reaction was to the news and I was like “I don’t want to! I guess I’m ready but I’m scared too!” We headed into the audiology “room” and it was a nice tight fit. They’ve had more people than that in there before, and they’ve had to stick the overflow into the sound booth.

Started off with testing the electrodes to see how they were doing, all were just fine. Then we did the testing with the beeps to see if I could hear anything. For like 20 minutes, I was sitting there just feeling it pulsing on my head, and I was starting to get the strong waves again, and I got scared. Then I started to cry because the last time was horrible with the waves. Dr. M came back to see what was going on, and they were all trying to figure out what was going on, and made some adjustments. The whole thing was just so weird and unfamiliar and I was worried that the implant wasn’t going to work because of everything that I had gone through the last time with the NRI testing and having such a strong reaction to it all.

And then the moment we had been waiting for…a real live BEEP sound! We kept going with the beeps for each electrode, till I found one that was set for my comfort level. We kept switching back and forth between the beep-testing and live speech, to see how it sounded. You know, in audiology school, they must train the audiologists to say “can you hear me now? how about now? how does it sound?” as they are fiddling with the settings, it never fails!

Megan had to turn it off to do some editing in the computer and I was talking and then all of a sudden the sound disappeared, and I was like “HEY! Where did the sound go? Bring it back!” And Kim was teasing me because at first I couldn’t hear anything and was like whatever, which soon changed into hearing stuff and then I wanted it on and was disappointed when it was off! Mom and Kim kept laughing and teasing me/Megan throughout the session. Even Dr. M was amused when he popped in now and then to see how everything was going.

When we got to a point where the speech seemed to be set, Megan and Kim decided to try and test me with words to see how they sounded. We started off with days of the week, but that was a bit difficult. We switched to the months instead, and did January-June. After listening to Megan say it several times, and thinking I had the hang of it, she tested me but without being able to read her lips. I was able to understand some of it and get it correct, so there was a bit of yay/amazement there.

The funny part was when I caught Megan saying it incorrectly, and Mom and Kim were just laughing and teasing Megan “…ooo, you got BUSTED!”. That was really cool, being able to know if somebody was saying a word incorrectly, because I was looking at her with a funny look after I heard it, and I was like “that’s not a word!” and she was a little red in the face! I’m glad I was able to provide comic relief for the office and my mom!

After everything was all programmed, Megan brought out this gigantic tote bag, and the big “shoebox” full of the accessories for my implant. We went over everything and I learned how to put it together, put it on my head, use it, and about the different parts and all the accessories. There are a lot of accessories, so it’s really cool. I can’t wait to start using some of them, but first I have to HEAR!

I left the appointment with a map that was the equivalent to a 3rd Mapping session (about ~1 month), and it was up quite high. Megan told me that I could come back tomorrow if I had to, just had to call in the morning. (they know that I’m very picky with sound and wanting to get it just right…Mandy can attest to that! 5 weeks of tinkering with the new hearing aid stretched out into 10 weeks!). The real world was much more intense than the sound booth, so I was enjoying it for awhile, and then it started to become really really painful and overwhelming.

Things I Need To Remember:
1. Kim noticed that when I get stressed (my shoulders bunch up) I stop “listening” and start thinking too much and then I can’t hear anything. When I’m calm/relaxed, I’m able to understand/hear things. This is going to be an important thing for me to remember through my audiological training.
2. INTUITION IS EVERYTHING. I need to stop “thinking” and just LISTEN to what it sounds like. The reason why I think is because with the hearing aids, I’ve had to train my brain to “fill in” the gaps with what I think the sound is. With the CI, I will be able to hear all the sounds, but I need to let my head put it together automatically without thinking. No more guessing…I just have to say what I heard back, not go “i think it sounded like…”

 

Dad, me, and Mom waiting for the doctor to come in and give me a checkup and his “OK” for activation.

 

(more…)

 

2nd Mapping Session less than 24 hours after the 1st one!

Today I went back to see Megan (less than 24 hours after I had my first mapping session!) to fix some things that were going on with my implant.

I told her about how I emotionally fell apart last night, right after we got home. Both Megan and Kim reassured me that it’s normal to react strongly, and that I’m not the only one who has fallen apart after getting activated. That, and I think the stress of everything since June (mom’s back surgery, my two surgeries, etc.) finally caught up with me. They also told me that other patients were unhappy from anywhere between 1 week to 6 months before they finally liked the way the implant sounded. I also talked about how I felt like I had a radio playing in my head after I took the implant off, and she thinks I may be hearing phantom noises.

They also said that I could come in tomorrow, Thursday, or Friday if I needed to, and we could play around with the implant some more. I felt bad because I didn’t want to take up all their time, because they have other things to do, only to be told “No no no. You’re not taking up our time. We are here to help you and we want you to do well. In fact, our favorite thing to do is Cochlear Implants! So don’t feel bad! And we’re free most of this week.”

Megan started off with trying to eliminate the problem with the “shocking” sensations I was having. We turned off each electrode to see if the shocking would go away, and if things sounded better, and going back and forth. Eventually we turned off electrodes 1, 4, and 8. Electrode 1 sometimes happen because it’s the very first one to enter into the cochlea, and sometimes it’s too deep to provide stimulation. Electrode 4 we don’t know why but we will try again in a few days or weeks. And Electrode 8 was not a surprise to her, because it is right next to where the doctor drilled the hole for the implant, and he did have to drill it 1mm wider 2 weeks ago. She had trouble with getting a response from it in surgery, due to a gigantic air bubble that was present. Hopefully it will clear up soon so we can put it into use.

The volume was also turned waaaaaaaaaay down, and the threshold levels were also lowered. I went up too high too fast with the electrodes, (but it sounded great yesterday!) and when I got into the real world (which is completely different from the quiet and calm of an audiologist booth), I was overwhelmed and getting painfully shocked to the max. My ears are power-hungry and have always been, because they’ve had power Hearing Aids for their entire listening life. Mandy (the audiologist at school) also told me this as well, because I kept wanting “more power!” Kim and Megan talked about how I may not need as much power with this to “listen” because more power = more distortion. We also got rid of all the static that I was hearing with the implant.

Megan also did some more of the words that we used yesterday to see if I could understand them. I’m doing better today, and starting to hear more of the differences in sound (like ‘ch’ in March). Identification is still spotty, but it was better than yesterday. I’m also starting to feel the “sounds” moving around in my head, instead of just on the top of my head…sometimes I “hear” it in my left ear, or on the back of the left-side of the head.

In addition to the fine-tuning, I got new processing strategies/programs today.

The first program is the one I started off with, just a little bit louder (after all of today’s adjustments were done). It’s a “sequential” program, which sends the information like playing scales/chords on a piano. She told me that most people tend to stick with the very first processing strategy that they start off with after activation.

The second program is a “pulse” program, which sends information like chopsticks on a piano. The third program I think is the same as the first program (but I’m not sure how it’s different), but it sounded the most like my hearing aids to me, and I liked this one the best (at the moment). At this point, I need to keep my hearing aid off for awhile, because my hearing aid is “overpowering” the implant (even after I turned the volume down as low as it could go), and I’m focused more on listening with the ear that I can hear more with.

Megan also gave me some information for my friends, so everybody can try to calm down (including me!) and understand how the implant is going to work, and the process of understanding sound, because we’re all excited about it, and that excitement is causing to have a little bit of too high expectations (especially in me). I love you guys very much, but we need to step back and take baby steps.

I also have a xeroxed listening journal and it’s so cute. It has a “listening scavenger hunt” in which I can write down when I first heard a specific sound on the list, and when I first am able to identify it on my own. It’s almost like a baby’s 1st… kind of book.

After that, I left all happy and relieved because I wasn’t being shocked in the head anymore, and because it sounded much better now. I was writing down the times into my sidekick, when I got an email from Mandy (my school audiologist) who wanted to see what was going on and how activation went (since I hadn’t talked to her since surgery #2). Then Dr. M came out of his office just right before I went out the door, and looked surprised to see me there. On the way home, I listened to Christina Aguilera’s first CD, and couldn’t hear “Genie In A Bottle” but I was getting some of her voice in “So Emotional” and “Reflection”, and the first part of “Come On Over Baby (All I Want Is You)”. I can’t really hear the music at all, but the vocal part is what I’m hearing (sometimes).

When Mom came home, I updated her on everything, and she went over the months again with me, and she was happy because I was able to hear the ‘ch’ in March. I’m having trouble with March/May/June, and the J and F in January/February, but I can hear “uary”. She repeated one word that I’ve always said wrong (without telling me), and covered her mouth, and I was able to say it back to her correctly on the first try, which I’ve always said incorrectly.

Right now, I’ve been attending to the job of listening with each program for a few hours, and keep track of information about how it sounded and differences with each program. I’ve been listening to National Public Radio (suggested for practice) for most of the afternoon, and it’s mostly just pulses on the top of my head (I think my brain is getting tired), but I do pick up a part of speech now and then. I only seem to hear speech when it’s up close to me. Background noises exist as a pulse on the top of my head.

But right now my hearing life is basically pulses. A few speech sounds here and there, but that’s it. It’s good enough for me for the 2nd day. I am happy.